When Shawn and I had been dating for a little over a year, he brought something very uncomfortable to my attention. I didn’t fight fair.
We were in the middle of a little disagreement– I can’t even recall what it was about anymore but I remember I was frustrated with him– and I started in on my usual response. You see, when I get angry, I become the queen of passive aggression. Every cabinet needs to be slammed, all of a sudden everything around me needs to be cleaned, and the silent treatment is my favorite game. I never ever want to say that I’m upset, but I want everyone within a 5-mile radius to just feel it. It’s awkward when I’m mad.
I don’t create a safe place when I’m mad, and it started to take a toll on my relationship. I created an environment where Shawn couldn’t talk to me. I always said “I’m fine” yet gave him the cold shoulder. He didn’t know how to react– I was saying one thing and making him feel like the exact opposite. It was unhealthy and counterproductive. I was being a child and pouting– I wasn’t using my words.
And I know not everyone’s Anger Style is the same as mine. Some people swear they never get mad while others always point their finger. Some people pout, like me, and others go into full-on Hulk-mode. All of these are unhealthy in different ways and create different Anger Dances that we repeat every. single. time. we get angry with our spouse.
With fighting comes anger, pain, and tears (sometimes). Many couples say that they’re fighting about the same things countless times or nothing ever gets accomplished when they talk. This is a sign that you and your partner aren’t communicating and that anger is becoming a termite in your relationship. And I hate to say it, but termites have successfully eaten the foundation of some of the most beautiful
The only way to protect yourself from that kind of destruction of trust and intimacy is to have a plan. An Anger Plan, if you will. With the Anger Plan you’ll discuss your Anger Styles, Anger Dance, and how to make sure the fight is actually done and not just dormant for another few months.
So sign up for your FREE Anger Plan. This is usually a $150 value, but we’re prepared to give you the tools to make your marriage better for free if it can even help one couple.
Sign Up Here!