Keeping score in a relationship is, unfortunately, all too common. It becomes even more obvious when it’s the third time this week you’ve done dishes or you literally can’t remember the last time your partner initiated sex.Continue reading “Are You A Relationship Score Keeper?”
When Shawn was interviewing for the job he has currently, they told him that it would include traveling. As an (almost) newlywed, he made it known that he didn’t want to constantly be on the road going from installation from installation at the drop of a hat. They agreed that he shouldn’t, and wouldn’t go through that– especially since
he had a really awesome wife he didn’t want to be away from he was going to be newly married and in a new state.
They said they understood that marriage is important, especially in the beginning years. They’re formative and can really set the tone of the marriage. And our tone wasn’t going to be Lonely Melissa, that was for sure.
When I was little, my mom and dad were always working. My grandma basically took care of me all-day, everyday, and that was my normal. Growing up, I always believed that both parents needed to be working. I mean, that’s just what they did. Moms didn’t stay at home anymore– they were out there working! I understood that in most families, they couldn’t get by on just one income. Everyone had to pull their weight, so getting a job was how you did that. And people that were able to be stay-at-home-moms were lucky. They could afford for her to be at home, taking care of the kids and the household. That was some 1%-er sh*t if I had ever seen it. It was also something that I’d never be able to be because, well, I’m always going to be middle class (that mindset has changed drastically since getting married to Shawn and getting on the same page).
Anyway. So once I got into college, I pretty much always had a job. I was paying my own bills and rent for the most part. There’s only so much you can afford with a part-time retail job, sadly. But, in my own head, I was pretty self-sufficient! I juggled school, work, and sorority life; I was an Adult™. Hell, one year I actually owed money on my taxes instead of getting money back! (I’m still not convinced that was bad accounting on my dad’s part, but that’s neither here nor there.)
And things didn’t change much once Shawn and I got engaged and were living in Michigan. I was in law school, so the amount of hours I could really work was cut in half– but I still had a job! All my money made from that paid for my gas to get to-and-from school, parking (when I was too tired to walk), and random lunches with friends. I wasn’t totally dependent on Shawn for money, and that’s what mattered! I still had “my purpose,” aka school. I wasn’t a bum, even though he was paying our mortgage, bills, and groceries. I was in school. Law school! Honestly, what more could he want from me?
But then we moved to Georgia and my spot in this dynamic has shifted. And I didn’t like it.
When we moved, it was in an awkward time, so I couldn’t get into a law school here. When we moved, we decided that we were going to take our real estate business seriously.
When we moved, I didn’t have a plan for myself.
When we moved… I was scared.
I didn’t feel like I had a purpose.
I didn’t feel like I brought anything to the proverbial table.
So what did I do? I tried to get a job! And oh, did I try. I spent days looking for any job on Indeed, Craigslist, and LinkedIn. I applied at Home Depot, Kroger, WalMart, and at every restaurant within a 5 mile radius. No job was too “lowly” for me. But I was greeted with silence or disinterest. I’m not sure that there’s a word that can describe my mix of shock and devastation, but if there is please let me know. But yeah, that’s what I felt. I was confused– I mean, I had a great resume! I’m a team-player, personable, and motivated… and also desperate for any minimum-wage job in order to bide my time until law school kicks back up again. I needed a job or a school schedule or anything to feel like I was contributing to my team. It felt like I was sitting on the sidelines while Shawn did all the work, and he even pointed it out a few times (ouch– what a douche.)
But we both quickly realized that with my newfound time on my hands, I was able to channel a full-time work-week into wholesaling (and The Sister Wives Podcast… but mostly wholesaling), and things started to look up for me. And us.
But, that still isn’t the point I’m trying to make. Regardless of having wholesaling or a blog/podcast with my awesome big sister, my self-worth didn’t rely on those things. It also doesn’t rely on having a job that brings in peanuts, textbooks that could break my back, or a small business we’re getting off the ground. My worth (and yours) doesn’t come at a per-hour value. We all bring something to the table. We all have something to offer, even if it brings in income or not.
Without me staying at home, Shawn and I wouldn’t have nearly enough time to cook lunch and dinner every day. We wouldn’t be able to see one another as much as we do. We wouldn’t have clean and folded clothes in a timely manner. Our apartment wouldn’t be half as clean. Tater wouldn’t get loved on and exercised every single day. Our vehicles would go months overdue for oil changes without someone being on-top of it and available to make the appointments. Unnoticed things that help your household run like a well-oiled machine are probably chugging along because of you: a stay-at-home-spouse/wife/dad/person.
So if you don’t hear it enough– thank you. Your value to your team is immeasurable.
In today’s podcast, we touch on a heavy subject: cheating. Although neither of us have been cheated on, to our own knowledge, we discuss what we qualify as cheating, why cheating happens, and if there can be a happy-ending from it. We also talk about what to do after you find out you’ve been cheated on and you find yourself in that “now what” phase.
It’s not easy. It’ll never be easy. But like we said in our last podcast, marriage is the union of two awesome forgivers.
In today’s podcast, we explore the difference between these two concepts… and how hard it can be to navigate between the two. We talk about the few “pointers” our husbands share with us can… and do… make us go completely and totally mad. We then talk about the few things that actually get under their skin– and yes, we found out that they DO have feelings!!! And finally, we give a little advice on how to truly tell the difference between criticism and advice and how you should check yourself before you speak that next piece of “advice” that’s coming from a really ugly place in your heart.
So check-out the worksheet we created that will help you turn criticism into advice that will strengthen, nourish, and build your relationship!
Today’s podcast is about cultural differences and how they can make marriage, parenting, and all-things-life-related just plain hard— because, it wasn’t hard enough already. We share a few things that we’ve noticed that differ from our white mother-in-laws compared to our Filipina mama; how growing up mixed is hard and confusing and downright lonely sometimes; and we share some tips on how to have a cross-cultural marriage without completely and totally offending your spouse.
After their trip to Las Vegas for Grant Cardone’s 10x Growth Con, Shawn was inspired to talk about this little financial tid-bit that he learned: earning more versus spending less. Something about this advice is hard to swallow. Maybe it’s because we, as a society, are taught that saving is the only way you’ll be able to have financial stability and freedom. So many people preach about saving, saving, and saving some more. However, many of the speakers at this conference detested that kind of mindset and said that it was promoting fear and scarcity. It’s hard to get out of that habit, though. We know it. We’ve been there.
Instead, these big-ballers explain that you have to jack-up your income instead of focusing on what you’re spending– especially if you’re trying to launch a business. They tell you to make so much income that it doesn’t matter how much you’re “throwing away” because you’re making it back in double the time.
Again, we know that this is hard advice to live by. Especially when you have Warren Buffet telling you to count your pennies and cut the coupons. But, it is a different approach that makes sense and makes us feel a little less guilty about being more aggressive with our money.