Episode # 031 – Comparison Kills

Have you ever look at someone else’s relationship, family, closet, [insert your “thing” here] and thought to yourself “dang, they really have it made.”?

Today we’re talking about how comparison can really kill your relationship and happiness in one fatal swoop. We confess what we get jealous of, how it has taken tolls on our relationships, and how we have to remind ourselves that it’s all for show when it comes to the Gram, Facebook, and wherever else you can post those deceiving little pictures.

Episode # 029 – Exercise? Extra Fries.

Today’s episode is about exercising… or lack thereof. We tell you about what it’s like working out with your spouse, and how being a competitive can really put a damper on the bonding experience that some people have when working out with their loved ones. We also talk about how our men can, and have, made us feel like we needed to hit the gym– and I promise you won’t hate them for their reasoning. Or presentation of that fact (even if we did). And finally, we’ll share how being married, or a relationship in general, does not help in the accountability department. Especially if you’re married to Marie.

And as promised, we also included an at-home, no-equipment workout for all of our interested parties. And I included a video as a demonstration on how to do some of the moves if you’re unsure what they look like.

*And maybe later on, and if anyone would even be interested, I’ll include an “Intro To The Gym” video for all you ladies and gents that want to venture into the weight room but aren’t sure where to start or what to do. –Melissa (obviously)

Stay-At-Home-Spouse

When I was little, my mom and dad were always working. My grandma basically took care of me all-day, everyday, and that was my normal. Growing up, I always believed that both parents needed to be working. I mean, that’s just what they did. Moms didn’t stay at home anymore– they were out there working! I understood that in most families, they couldn’t get by on just one income. Everyone had to pull their weight, so getting a job was how you did that. And people that were able to be stay-at-home-moms were lucky. They could afford for her to be at home, taking care of the kids and the household. That was some 1%-er sh*t if I had ever seen it. It was also something that I’d never be able to be because, well, I’m always going to be middle class (that mindset has changed drastically since getting married to Shawn and getting on the same page).

Anyway. So once I got into college, I pretty much always had a job. I was paying my own bills and rent for the most part. There’s only so much you can afford with a part-time retail job, sadly. But, in my own head, I was pretty self-sufficient! I juggled school, work, and sorority life; I was an Adult™. Hell, one year I actually owed money on my taxes instead of getting money back! (I’m still not convinced that was bad accounting on my dad’s part, but that’s neither here nor there.)

And things didn’t change much once Shawn and I got engaged and were living in Michigan. I was in law school, so the amount of hours I could really work was cut in half– but I still had a job! All my money made from that paid for my gas to get to-and-from school, parking (when I was too tired to walk), and random lunches with friends. I wasn’t totally dependent on Shawn for money, and that’s what mattered! I still had “my purpose,” aka school. I wasn’t a bum, even though he was paying our mortgage, bills, and groceries. I was in school. Law school! Honestly, what more could he want from me?

But then we moved to Georgia and my spot in this dynamic has shifted. And I didn’t like it.

When we moved, it was in an awkward time, so I couldn’t get into a law school here. When we moved, we decided that we were going to take our real estate business seriously.
When we moved, I didn’t have a plan for myself.
When we moved… I was scared.
I didn’t feel like I had a purpose.
I didn’t feel like I brought anything to the proverbial table.

So what did I do? I tried to get a job! And oh, did I try. I spent days looking for any job on Indeed, Craigslist, and LinkedIn. I applied at Home Depot, Kroger, WalMart, and at every restaurant within a 5 mile radius. No job was too “lowly” for me.  But I was greeted with silence or disinterest. I’m not sure that there’s a word that can describe my mix of shock and devastation, but if there is please let me know. But yeah, that’s what I felt. I was confused– I mean, I had a great resume! I’m a team-player, personable, and motivated… and also desperate for any minimum-wage job in order to bide my time until law school kicks back up again. I needed a job or a school schedule or anything to feel like I was contributing to my team. It felt like I was sitting on the sidelines while Shawn did all the work, and he even pointed it out a few times (ouch– what a douche.)

But we both quickly realized that with my newfound time on my hands, I was able to channel a full-time work-week into wholesaling (and The Sister Wives Podcast… but mostly wholesaling), and things started to look up for me. And us.

But, that still isn’t the point I’m trying to make. Regardless of having wholesaling or a blog/podcast with my awesome big sister, my self-worth didn’t rely on those things. It also doesn’t rely on having a job that brings in peanuts, textbooks that could break my back, or a small business we’re getting off the ground. My worth (and yours) doesn’t come at a per-hour value. We all bring something to the table. We all have something to offer, even if it brings in income or not.

Without me staying at home, Shawn and I wouldn’t have nearly enough time to cook lunch and dinner every day. We wouldn’t be able to see one another as much as we do. We wouldn’t have clean and folded clothes in a timely manner. Our apartment wouldn’t be half as clean. Tater wouldn’t get loved on and exercised every single day. Our vehicles would go months overdue for oil changes without someone being on-top of it and available to make the appointments. Unnoticed things that help your household run like a well-oiled machine are probably chugging along because of you: a stay-at-home-spouse/wife/dad/person.

So if you don’t hear it enough– thank you. Your value to your team is immeasurable.   

 

Episode #028 – Cheetahs

In today’s podcast, we touch on a heavy subject: cheating. Although neither of us have been cheated on, to our own knowledge, we discuss what we qualify as cheating, why cheating happens, and if there can be a happy-ending from it. We also talk about what to do after you find out you’ve been cheated on and you find yourself in that “now what” phase.

It’s not easy. It’ll never be easy. But like we said in our last podcast, marriage is the union of two awesome forgivers.

Episode # 027 – Is It Too Late To Say Sorry?

As a follow up to Criticism v Advice, we talk about saying sorry to your spouse. We all know that it seems like the hardest thing to do, but we discuss why that is… and why we hate doing it. We discuss some of our biggest fights, who is the weaker spouse usually says sorry first, and we give some advice on how to apologize correctly.

We’ll be the first to admit that it’s not easy or fun, but it’s a necessary skill in marriage (and all relationships).

Episode # 026 – Criticism v Advice

In today’s podcast, we explore the difference between these two concepts… and how hard it can be to navigate between the two. We talk about the few “pointers” our husbands share with us can… and do… make us go completely and totally mad. We then talk about the few things that actually get under their skin– and yes, we found out that they DO have feelings!!! And finally, we give a little advice on how to truly tell the difference between criticism and advice and how you should check yourself before you speak that next piece of “advice” that’s coming from a really ugly place in your heart.

So check-out the worksheet we created that will help you turn criticism into advice that will strengthen, nourish, and build your relationship!

Episode # 025 – Married to the White Man

Today’s podcast is about cultural differences and how they can make marriage, parenting, and all-things-life-related just plain hard— because, it wasn’t hard enough already. We share a few things that we’ve noticed that differ from our white mother-in-laws compared to our Filipina mama; how growing up mixed is hard and confusing and downright lonely sometimes; and we share some tips on how to have a cross-cultural marriage without completely and totally offending your spouse.