Fair is far, right? Keeping score in a relationship, of any kind, is natural because no one wants to feel cheated. But there are several reasons why this “survival tactic” of ours is actually ruining our relationships. But we know that we don’t have to tell you twice that keeping score isn’t the best idea for your relationship. I mean, the term in-itself implies that you’re not on the same team/page. That’s why we talk about how to stop and how we’ve gotten over this hump in the past by having a chore chart as a way to try and keep the peace when it comes to household duties and how giving more might actually be the key to success.
So, as promised, we’ve included a link to The Go-Giver, the book that talks about this exact topic (spoiler alert: it tells you to stop counting and start giving).
Yeah, you heard me right. And no, I’m not kidding.
I think there are some similarities between healthy poop and healthy fights:
It’s intact. The ‘mushier’ the poop the less healthy it is. A healthy fight is also intact. It’s about one topic. A ‘mushy’ fight is when you start off fighting about chores and end up fighting about that time 3 years ago when she forgot to pick up your dry cleaning. Keep your fights focused on what topic at a time.
It’s regular. Regular bowel movements are a great sign things are going well. Same thing with fights. It’s not a great idea to let things build up. It doesn’t make fighting or pooping easier. Are you regularly letting each other know what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling? Or are you opting to hold it just a little bit longer? Much like pooping, fighting is good for you.
It doesn’t hurt. This is really important. Pooping shouldn’t hurt. Fighting shouldn’t hurt. But since most of us don’t get to see great examples of healthy fighting many of us are terrified that it won’t feel good. We hide from it because we can’t imagine being in conflict with a person you love to ultimately end in feeling closer. We imagine the only thing that comes from fighting is hurt, so we avoid it. This doesn’t mean painless fighting is natural, I think it’s a learned skill. But, like pooping, if it hurts it’s not healthy.
In this episode Melissa and her new husband, Shawn, talk about getting on the same page! Like many of us already know, being on the same page is harder than it sounds, and it’s definitely something that couples don’t even realize is an issue. Because of this, Melissa and Shawn share about how they recently regrouped and made sure their goals for their life together were lined up. And (surprise, surprise) initially, they weren’t.
Just like football, soccer, or doubles-tennis, marriage is a team-sport. And much like any team sport, it comes with a game-plan and with an unimaginable support system. And in order for the team to do well, they must communicate the plan they want to take together.
Melissa and Shawn used many different tools to shape their “page” and to make sure that they were both committed to it. One of them was to answer these questionstogether and with an open mind.
I think the title says it all. Today we’re talking about pooping (and not pooping) around your spouse, marriage-poop etiquette, and if there is an underlying reason for not pooping around your spouse. (Melissa includes a response to the above-mentioned article that will either make you think she’s crazy or hilarious (but really just somewhere in-between).
And, although we agree that there usually aren’t any underlying issues when you’re unable to poop around your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend, we do mention how a healthy digestive system is kinda like healthy fighting in a different blog post. It’s definitely a good read for the next time you take the throne.