Fair is far, right? Keeping score in a relationship, of any kind, is natural because no one wants to feel cheated. But there are several reasons why this “survival tactic” of ours is actually ruining our relationships. But we know that we don’t have to tell you twice that keeping score isn’t the best idea for your relationship. I mean, the term in-itself implies that you’re not on the same team/page. That’s why we talk about how to stop and how we’ve gotten over this hump in the past by having a chore chart as a way to try and keep the peace when it comes to household duties and how giving more might actually be the key to success.
So, as promised, we’ve included a link to The Go-Giver, the book that talks about this exact topic (spoiler alert: it tells you to stop counting and start giving).
We also take a closer look at goals we’ve set personally. Melissa has made it her mission to continually feed Shawn’s love plant every week by leaving him random thank-you notes. This is inspired by his love language: words of affirmation. During the podcast, Marie even comes up with her new, personal goal to help feed her relationship and Mark’s love plant (carving out specific, uninterrupted time for him once a week).
So. Because this topic is so, SO, SO important, and constantly glossed over, we’ve also created a pdf of some sample goals you can set as a team, for yourself, and for other areas of your life.
Yeah, you heard me right. And no, I’m not kidding.
I think there are some similarities between healthy poop and healthy fights:
It’s intact. The ‘mushier’ the poop the less healthy it is. A healthy fight is also intact. It’s about one topic. A ‘mushy’ fight is when you start off fighting about chores and end up fighting about that time 3 years ago when she forgot to pick up your dry cleaning. Keep your fights focused on what topic at a time.
It’s regular. Regular bowel movements are a great sign things are going well. Same thing with fights. It’s not a great idea to let things build up. It doesn’t make fighting or pooping easier. Are you regularly letting each other know what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling? Or are you opting to hold it just a little bit longer? Much like pooping, fighting is good for you.
It doesn’t hurt. This is really important. Pooping shouldn’t hurt. Fighting shouldn’t hurt. But since most of us don’t get to see great examples of healthy fighting many of us are terrified that it won’t feel good. We hide from it because we can’t imagine being in conflict with a person you love to ultimately end in feeling closer. We imagine the only thing that comes from fighting is hurt, so we avoid it. This doesn’t mean painless fighting is natural, I think it’s a learned skill. But, like pooping, if it hurts it’s not healthy.
In this episode, we talk about our proposals and how to make sure that each step you take in your relationship is the right step for the both of you. There are many factors that should be considered when you’re thinking about spending the rest of your life with someone; if you can’t have these serious, “adult” conversations, then maybe it’s time to have a hard look at the person across the table from you.
Because this subject can be a little hairy, we created a few tips on how to have those hard conversations to make sure you’re in the right mindset and environment to work together as a team. And once you’ve decided to have these important sit-down meetings to discuss where you are in your relationship, take a peek at these questions to ask one another before getting engaged or married.
We have all experienced jealousy at one point or another, regardless of being the “jealous type” or not. And if you swear you’ve never been jealous before, check out this article to see if you’re a smidge more jealous than you let yourself believe.
Anyway. Whether it was because you thought your spouse still has feelings for their ex or because you think they’re checking out other people; we’ve all been there. It hurts and it sucks, and we all definitely dwell on it an unhealthy amount.
In our latest podcast (Episode #003 Ex S/Os + Jealousy) we get into advice for people who struggle with jealousy. Although we both hate the sage advice of “give it time,” we must recognize that it is true. However, we do have some action steps that are helpful for those of you that want take strides to nip jealousy in the butt faster.